


Summer in september

by myoue



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Autumn, M/M, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 14:32:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4923241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myoue/pseuds/myoue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's autumn, the weather's getting chillier, and the coffee doesn't warm Eren up nearly as much as the guy who makes it for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> obviously, i couldn't write this in time for september... it's one of my many regrets. but yesterday i was watching an episode of criminal minds where they cornered a serial killer in a diner and [unchained melody](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qiiyq2xrSI0&ab_channel=TheBestOldies) was playing in the background. idk why that inspired me to finish this. and by finish i mean turn into a short multichapter because i realized i couldn't finish it.

Before the first official day of autumn, Eren could already see the changing colour of the leaves—on their way to the reds and oranges and golds from the vibrant greens during the summer months.

A laptop usually rests on his legs, cup of Columbian on the small table in front of him, and Eren looks up every so often when one of the employees catches his eye, coming along to clean the stains out of the wood table in front of him and wipe the crumbs off the other seats. It’s not always the same guy, but when it is—the guy with the black hair and the thick frames and the nice jawline—Eren can’t help but peek up and over the monitor of his laptop, stop typing for a moment, and the music through his earbuds becomes the background melody to whatever this is. This encounter that lasts for only a few simple seconds before the employee leaves and things return to the same slow ambivalent frame of reality as before.

Sometimes, Eren thinks about coming up with the courage to say ‘ _Thanks, by the way_ ’ to show his appreciation for the guy’s hard work, even if he’s just doing his job.

Eren even thinks about ordering the same exact thing every time he comes here so there’s the potential for saying ‘ _The Usual’_.

He doesn’t.

He dresses in muted shades of black and grey and brown for a season so imbued with warm fiery colours. Not that he doesn’t appreciate those colours (because they’re beautiful, kind, sincere colours).

Eren likes reading the nametag that says _Levi_ in printed letters and decorated with small drawn maple leaves around it. He likes watching Levi push up the rims of his glasses by just the back palm of his hand, blinking after he makes someone’s pumpkin spice latte and the hot steam fogs his lenses, and when he peers up at Eren without so much as an inkling of recognition before dropping change into his hand or handing Eren his drink without any awkward brushing or touching. It’s perfect. It’s what Eren likes.

For a while, the turbulent smell of coffee around him is invigorating and calming at the same time. It’s a nice accompaniment for when the orange light peeks in from the windows and sometimes gets in Levi’s eyes so much that he has to come around and shut the blinds.

“Do you mind?” he asks Eren before he does, and Eren shakes his head. Levi reaches an arm up, and sometimes pauses just to glance briefly at what’s happening outside, before pulling on the string that draws the blinds closed.

Eren wonders why Levi’s so bothered by the light, other than the fact that it gets in his eyes sometimes. Because on some days that Eren comes in to the shop, he sees the blinds already done up before the sun even has the chance to cross over the sky in the direction of the windows. He wonders if Levi just hates sunlight or if he hates the view of the trees changing colour outside and the increasing number of wool scarves and jackets, signifying the threatening chill that’s making its way through the autumn months.

Yet, Eren loves it all—all of the time it takes for Levi to stretch up on the tips of his toes, the time it takes for him to be satisfied in whatever it is he’s looking for outside, and, when Eren’s mindlessly reaching for his drink on the table, not looking exactly where he’s reaching, the time it takes for their fingers to meet accidentally.

Levi’s there before him, picking Eren’s drink up to clean off the bottom of it and the coffee ring that’s forming on the table, before putting it back down. “Sorry,” he says, blinking his eyes up at Eren and staying there for a fraction longer than he’s ever done before.

Eren replies back his own “Sorry” in haste, more of a mumble than anything else, and more for the fact that he doesn’t want Levi to be offended he’s pulled his hand back so quickly.

The day goes on, the weeks go on.

And ever so slightly, Levi’s eyes stay on him for a fraction longer and longer now, his movements having a deliberate slowness, a sluggish slowness even, when giving Eren his change back like he wants to lengthen the time they’re in each other’s presence. He stares through his crooked glasses at Eren’s face like he’s trying to memorize every part of it, looking uncertain like he hasn’t found what he’s looking for when Eren feels himself blushing like crazy, before Levi does something crazy himself.

On a day that was supposed to have been the same as every other day, Levi asks Eren for his name.

“What…?” Eren says because he’s entirely unprepared for such a question.

“It’s a new system,” Levi tells him. “So, we can put your name on your cup, see.”

“Oh.” Eren looks around at the people sitting by the couches but there aren’t any names on their cups. At least from where Eren can see. “It’s… Eren.”

His heart beats so quickly when he’s holding the cup of regular coffee with his name drawn along the side of it, and he feverishly turns it every which way in his hands so long as the liquid doesn’t spill. The letters are plainly written, not really distinguishable in any way, to the point that Eren doesn’t know if he’ll be able to recognize the scrawl written somewhere else or at some other time. So, why does this right here in his hands feel so special?

It’s pretty easy to pretend he’d just dreamed that whole thing up because the next time he’s in here again and every time after that, Levi doesn’t ask for his name at all, doesn’t write it on his cup or bring it up again. In fact, it’s all the better if Levi would have just completely forgotten because Eren could continue on like nothing’s changed.

“Hey, you.”

Eren looks up, half-startled, not really sure where to look or who could be talking to him. He’d been minding his business, and actually getting better at it lately so as to not draw any more unnecessary attention after what his imagination does to him.

But the fact that Eren might have gotten used to Levi’s presence now, or maybe even the fact that Eren had still not once thanked Levi for his hard work yet cleaning the tables, had apparently caused the opposite intended effect.

“You’re not very inconspicuous, are you?” Levi says, looking right at Eren, there’s no question about it, from where he’s standing.

 _Crap_ , is all Eren can think as he as he tries to pretend those sentences aren’t directed towards him at all.

“Sorry, what?” he replies, reluctantly taking an earbud out from his ear when it seems he can pretend no longer that there’s nobody else in the vicinity that Levi could be talking to. It’s still possible to get up and run out of there, but all Eren feels he’s capable of doing is avoiding Levi’s gaze and digging his fingers into the rough leather of the seat to try to alleviate some of the pressure his chest is currently twisting into.

Levi’s folding his arms now, judgement abundantly clear. “For god’s sake. We get like four customers every hour. D’you think I wouldn’t at least recognize you? Is it because you think I’m blind or something? D’you think that wearing glasses makes you _more_ blind?”

Eren doesn’t think any of that has particularly crossed his mind.

“Err, no. That’s never really crossed my mind,” Eren admits.

Levi pushes up the rims of his glasses with the back of his palm before running his eyes up and down Eren’s form. Eren purposely avoids the gaze by darting his eyes around, noting the empty line of customers at the counter that Levi should really be getting to.

“What?” Eren says as a shorthand for _what the heck are you staring at?_

Levi doesn’t really answer his question, not at all actually. Instead, he takes a seat across from Eren, which is the complete opposite of what Eren wants. He hunches forward, pushing up his glasses once again like he’s having trouble getting a good look at Eren. The lenses are very smudged. Eren thinks he could clean those glasses for him if only it meant Levi not staring at him so intensely.

“If you’re going for some kind of coffee shop romance,” Levi starts very seriously, hands clasped together as he leans forward on his knees, “at least _look_ even the slightest bit available. Being on your laptop the whole time and having your music shoved in your ears doesn’t say _ready for_ _small talk_ at all. In fact, why even come if you’re not going to say a single word?”

“Uh.” Eren opts to pull out his earbuds entirely now to shove into his pants pockets. He closes his laptop too, only to drum his fingers on the surface, biting his lip because this is not at all how he’d imagined their first conversation would go. Though, he hadn’t thought much about it really, due to the fact that it’s not something he believed would ever actually happen. “Thanks? That’s very… helpful,” he says unsurely, refusing to look Levi in the eye.

Levi sticks his fingers beneath his glasses to rub at his eyes. “You need all the help you can get. Armin’s slow, I get that. He’s smart and cute, but when it comes to romance he’s a little dense. Almost airheaded.”

Suddenly, Eren’s not following. “Huh?”

Levi leans back now, nodding towards the counter where a blond-haired kid is wiping down the front of the coffee machines with a paper towel. Eren squints his eyes and then looks back at Levi. “There’s no way he’s going to notice you if you continue doing these half-assed attempts,” Levi scoffs. “You come a lot but the coffee is average. The location is pretty out-of-the-way—you’re probably a student on campus? But you’re here almost every day anyway, always stealing glances over there but never actually doing anything. He and I have a lot of shifts together, so I was the one who ended up noticing your creeping.”

Eren is a bit lost for words. “I’ll stop looking, then?”

“That’s not what I meant.” Levi lets out a sigh, looking up every so often like they might be eavesdropped from twenty feet away by the character in question, and then starts absently wiping the table like it’s a forced distraction or even a nervous habit. “He has an opinion on most things so you could start up a conversation about anything,” Levi continues. “Talk to him about the upcoming political elections or that new space movie. Or, you probably want to start slow so bring up something about the coffee here.”

“…Okay.”

“Ask him what he recommends or what his favourite drink is. It’s Mocha, by the way.”

Eren doesn’t move, not even when Levi looks at him like he should be writing all this down. They’re talking very smoothly and normally and, in truth, Eren hadn’t really even been listening, save for the part about asking about a favourite drink, because Eren’s wondering what _Levi’s_ favourite drink is and how they could go about segueing into talking about that instead.

“Okay,” Eren says dubiously again.

Levi stares at him some more. “You’re not very into this, are you?” he asks, tossing his cloth onto the table like he’s given up.

“Well.” Eren thinks a little. “No, I guess not. It’s just, you just—came out of nowhere and I’m not very prepared for all this if I’m going to be honest. I don’t know what exactly it is you’re expecting me to do.”

“I’m trying to help you, you know. Or do you not want help?”

“Not really.”

Levi’s mouth twists into a disjunctive curve, crossing his arms now as if he’s trying to contemplate why on Earth someone could be so reluctant and stubborn and annoying to refuse his unsolicited charity.

“I’m… fine like this,” Eren tries to explain, eyes turning down to look at the cleaning fluid seeping out of the wash cloth and staining the wood. “Really, I am. I don’t need any help. I think I just like watching from here, actually.”

“Oh,” Levi says, taken aback.

There doesn’t seem to be any need to clear things up when Levi stands from the chair, washcloth in hand, to head back to the counter without another word. Eren feels he can let out a breath and calm down, think about exactly what just happened, and chug down the rest of his coffee like he’s downing a drink.

He’s so out of it by the time he’s leaving the café for the day that he only realizes halfway down the block later that he’d forgotten his empty coffee cup on the table in his rush to get out of there, and that alone is about as distressing as the entire five minute conversation he had with Levi about two completely different things. God forbid Levi now think he’s lazy or rude or _shit_ Eren should just go back there and throw it out himself. But it’s probably too late. Levi’s already done it himself, likely. He can’t show his face there now.

So, Eren doesn’t go back there for a whole week.

Blame it on the sickly-looking weather or the fall flu going around, but the one whole week is peaceful for Eren, quiet, though sort of on the unnerved side. It takes him a while to figure out what it is that’s pulling at him, something unfulfilling about leaving things the way he did at the out-of-the-way coffee shop.

In fact, there isn’t anything specifically preventing Eren from not popping back in for a quick French Vanilla except for some godawful excuses like wanting to see Levi’s sweet face again, as well as the apparent need to torture himself with more emotional anguish. He doesn’t know what he’s expecting, really.

At the very least, it doesn’t seem like Levi remembers about the forgotten cup on the table.

“He’s single,” is the first thing Levi says after Eren orders, nodding towards Armin busily and innocently unpacking cups from a cardboard box a little ways away. “Just laying that out there. We’re all single here.”

It doesn’t seem like a whole week has passed by, either. “You’re single, too?” Eren says hopefully.

“Yes. Whatever. Now listen, he’s going to make your drink and when he gives it to you that will be your chance.”

He’s single, Eren thinks with a swelling in his chest. “My chance for what?”

“For talking to him. Obviously.” Levi rolls his eyes, shoving Eren’s bills and change hurriedly into his hand. “Medium French Vanilla!” Levi calls, startling Armin to attention before he turns back to Eren in a lower voice. “Now I’m going to go pretend to wash some tables. Don’t mess this up, Eren.”

“Wait!” he interrupts as Levi’s shutting the cash register and then looking at Eren like they have no time to be talking right now. “Did you not get what I said before?” Eren whispers harshly to him. “Do you remember when I said that I didn’t want any of this? All I wanted was to drink my coffee and watch from afar. Like a _creeper_ , as you said. I can creep. I don’t care. Even though that’s not exactly possible anymore…”

“That’s really all you wanted?”

Eren doesn’t know why it’s so hard to understand but he nods anyway, feeling the crushing weight of reality that his creeping in the shadows is no longer an option anymore. “Yeah. God, why is this happening…” he mutters more to himself than anything. He can’t think, thoughts barely coherent, and today Levi's got the sleeves of his t-shirt all folded up. Not that Eren needs any more inclination to stare at those arms.

“You know, I don’t know why I’m doing this, either,” Levi says, as if he’s directing that more at himself. “Maybe I felt bad for you. Maybe I'm just trying to be a nice person. For once, I'd like to think that. But one thing’s for sure and it’s that I don’t believe any of things you're saying to me.”

He gives Eren one last look of dead-faced encouragement (at least what Eren can only presume is encouragement, lest it be something else more hostile) before he takes his leave, to which Eren hasn’t the faintest clue how to react to. If only he could unscrew the current look he surely has etched onto his face in response to the absurdity that he’s left with.

Armin hands his drink over the cash register, offering a smile of either blissful or forced ignorance. Eren’s not sure which. But he makes sure to offer a polite smile in return. If only because he can’t even remember much about Armin for all the times he’s been here, hadn't paid even one iota of attention to the fact that other people actually work here, and it does induce a small bit of guilt. It seems like everyone here besides Levi have unwittingly become the blurry background characters to Eren’s own rose-coloured love story.

“French Vanilla,” Armin tells him, shaking the cup enticingly towards him.

And because Eren has already been pushed so far down the rabbit hole, left to either fend for himself or flee like he always has, he thinks _fuck me_ , takes his drink from Armin, and then in a single whoosh of breath asks, “How long have you known Levi?”

It’s mild, but it's the most forward thing he’s said all month.

Armin raises an eyebrow at him, throwing a look over to Levi staying true to his word in pretending to clean the tables. Only it seems Levi’s actually gone beyond pretending and has now become rather engrossed in scrubbing out the dirt from the window sills. “Levi?” Armin repeats curiously. “Oh, maybe half a year, I think.”

Eren nods, taking a sip from the drink and immediately burning his tongue. “Oh. Cool. I was just wondering. Sorry, not trying to get in the way of your work or anything.”

He walks quickly away without waiting for an answer.

Just before leaving, Eren makes a stop near the windows and Levi looks up once he finds Eren standing in front of him “How’d it go?” he asks, and Eren shifts on his feet.

“Oh, fine. Real good. He, uh, seems nice.”

As Levi waits for Eren to elaborate, but of course there’s nothing more to tell, the look Levi gives him is one of very tangible disappointment. And as he turns his attention back to the window blinds, Eren can’t help but feel his heart drop a little that things between them don’t suddenly change or that Levi doesn’t suddenly realize. He really doesn't know why he expected anything to change at all.

“Thanks for the advice. Sorry I couldn’t put it to better use,” Eren says flatly.

“Hey, woah. You giving up just like that? Not even going to try to give things another go?” Levi says to him.

Eren can feel his eyes narrowing. “No... I don’t know…”

Levi’s expression turns sympathetic then, and as he leads Eren back to the sitting area he drops himself down on a couch and motions for Eren to do the same. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, like the words fail to come to him. “Listen, kid. Eren. I’m not going to claim I know a lot about this kind of thing. I don’t, all right? There’s just… I don’t know why I thought there was something about you.”

“There is?”

It’s the way Levi’s eyes and his features soften just then, instead of the hardened look they usually are when he’s in front of a customer. They become this way when he’s leaning over a table, coaxing the dirt and the stains out of it, maybe because here he’s free from the shackles of the counter and the constant orders. As Eren sits himself down across from him, he realizes it’s the same look Levi’s giving him right now, and Eren wonders about just how stupid it seems to fall in love with someone while they’re cleaning tables.

“Yeah, I dunno. Don’t take my word for it. If you want me to leave you alone, I will.” Levi rubs at his eyes again underneath his glasses. “Why the fuck I thought I could do any of this… is beyond me. Fucking beyond me—”

Eren thinks about hurriedly saying _it’s fine_. If only to reassure him.

Wrapping his hands around the warm cup of his drink, before Levi can get up and leave him alone for good, Eren seriously considers letting Levi do what he wants. He thinks about indulging Levi, letting him satisfy himself with getting a co-worker and a random stranger together for reasons that Eren still doesn’t know of. He thinks about stringing Armin along, pretending to care about things he doesn't care about and going to places he doesn't care about going to, even possibly going on a series of dates that’ll involve Mocha, just so he could please Levi.

 “Wait,” Eren interrupts. “We don’t have to stop.”

And why he thinks he could do this is beyond him as well.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> levi texts like a child and i love eren too much.
> 
> i'll definitely be finishing this story alright. it won't be more than a few chapters, maybe the next one will even be the last one idk.... but it'll happen and everything will be super fine ok

For some reason, Eren convinces himself that they’d all forgotten him by the next time he walks in there.

So, when he’s ordering, fumbling with his wallet at the counter, and Levi doesn’t say anything immediately to him, only picks up the permanent marker and looks at him with an expression so unreadable that Eren starts to believe he’s a different person entirely who just happens to _look_ like Levi, he feels like he’s almost out of the clear.

Eren purposely doesn’t say anything, either. He heads towards the back counter where more than often Armin is there making his drink. He and Levi have a lot of shifts together, but it makes it all the easier for Eren to lean himself over the counter, direct a dashing smile towards Armin like it’s an inside joke to something they talked about at some other earlier time. Though, whenever Eren looks up to make sure Levi is watching him do this, Levi never is.

It’s only until Eren leaves the store with a cup that has ‘ _Eren_ ’ written on it in such a scribbled mess that he’s thrown back to reality. After everything, he finds such strange relief and comfort in his name written there. He rubs his thumb over the ink, never truly knowing if this time will be ever be the last time at the coffee place.

-

Eren at first believes it to be a mistake when one day his cup, instead of his name, has a set of numbers written on it. There’s no other indication as to what this might mean or whose number this is. And normally the first assumption is that it’s the server’s number so Eren has a brief heart attack thinking it has to be Levi’s. But then he considers that it might just be Levi giving him Armin’s number in some warped attempt to get them together, and his heart sinks when it seems to be the more likely option as to what this is.

He puts it in his phone anyway, even though he never does anything with it for a good amount of time. He has no intention to start a conversation with Armin, after all.

It’s not until he receives a second cup with the exact same numbers written on it, even more haphazardly written than the first and a seriously expectant look on Levi’s face, that Eren is more than a little weirded out. This coffee place is full of nut jobs.

> _Hey_ is what he texts one night around evening time to that number. Maybe curiosity had gotten the better of him.

>> _About time_

Eren stares at the words for a while until it sinks in that he’s very likely _not_ talking to Armin.

> _For what?_ Eren sends back. He’s only hoping that this really is Levi and not some text-based sex service. Why Levi would give him the number for a phone sex service Eren doesn’t know, but he feels like he has to be ready for anything at this point.

>> _About time u texted. I was starting to think u’d never seen a single romcom before_

Eren’s almost flabbergasted. This is unreal. If this really is Levi, which Eren can bet quite confidently it is now with the snark he’s getting, he can’t believe he’s living through the likes of an actual romantic comedy. Texting a coffee barista from the number given off a cup. Also, the idea that Levi watches romcoms is pretty amusing.

> _This is Levi right? You’re not just some text-based phone sex hotline?_ Eren sends just to make sure. All too quickly he gets another reply.

>> _Ofc it’s me wtf. That’s it delete my number from ur phone rn I don’t want anything to do with u_

Eren is so overwhelmed by everything that’s happened in that last text that he puts his phone down just so he can laugh out loud.

For a while, all he can do is stare blissfully at his ceiling. He doesn’t know what he did to deserve Levi giving him his number, or to text him so casually like this, but he’s so unbelievably happy. Even if it’s some ploy to get him to talk about Armin or something, he doesn’t care.

>> _I was kidding Eren_. _Ur name is still Eren right? That isn’t just some fake name u give to coffee places?_

Eren rolls over on his bed. With the phone over his head, he goes into his contacts and changes ‘ _Paper number_ ’ to ‘ _Levi_ ’.

> _Yeah, unfortunately I’m still Eren. Though sometimes I think maybe I’ve been getting it wrong from the way it’s always written on my cup_

_> > Wtf Eren_

-

>> _So ur saying my handwriting sucks?_

> _…I’m just saying I’m glad texting is our method of communication and not handwritten notes_

>> _WTF Eren_

> _Go to sleep. I’m tired_

>> _Shut up I’m already asleep_

> _Zzzzzz_

-

Eren tries not to seem desperate when he’s answering Levi’s texts in class or between study sessions in the library, but it’s pretty impossible not to reply when Levi sends actual emoticons or random pictures of the messes people leave behind at the coffee shop while Eren’s not there.

>> _Can u fucking believe this shit?_ _I’m tired of doing the job I’m being paid to do this is just disgusting_

> _Hey I’m sorry… and thanks for sending me garbage…_

>> _I’m bustin my ass here_

> _I know_

>> _Eren u don’t know_

> _I do_

Levi sends him another raged emoticon and Eren is compromised more so from that than anything else.

He’s always wondering when the conversation is going to turn to Armin, but it never does. He hasn’t attempted any more ridiculous jealousy techniques in a while, either. Maybe he’d just been wasting his time there. He’s just grateful that this whole thing hadn't ended up being some scheme to get him together with Armin.

-

The texting is starting to kill him in a way that Eren had never expected.

Eren’s always the one saying things like ‘ _I’d like that_ ’ and ‘ _We should do this again_ ’, ‘ _And again_ ’ (forever, he hopes), taking advantage of the fact that Levi never says a single thing about it. He can say these things with absolutely no fear, none whatsoever, because he’s that confident Levi won’t think anything extra of it.

Instead, Levi’s the one saying ‘ _Yes_ ’ and ‘ _Eren u fuckign_ ’ and sends back those stupid kissing emoticons ten times in a row even though they mean nothing. Sometimes the ‘ _Levi is typing…_ ’ will even sit there for ages and ages, and Eren will also sit there, counting the minutes, wondering what in the hell Levi is typing for so long, what he’s building up for on the other side, when all Eren did was make some dumb joke. Levi might be calling him out for being completely stupid.

And after so long that Eren thinks he might have pressed something by accident, Levi will send a single line of ‘ _Ur funny_ ’ and Eren will scream. He’ll want to throw his phone against the wall, watch it smash into a million satisfying pieces, and wonder why he ever wastes his time sitting there and waiting in the first place.

But it’s always right then when he’s lying alone in the dark, in his bed under the blankets with the screen of his phone pressed frustratingly into his fingers, that Eren thinks about Levi possibly laughing for ten minutes straight on the other side at his stupid joke. He thinks about Levi breaking down in a fit, completely forgetting his surroundings because of Eren’s lame sense of humour. It’s things like that that make him hold on to his phone for dear life, wishing so desperately that he were there on the other side to see and hear the sound of something that Levi always hides away from him in person.

-

The weather dips into the colder temperatures and Eren has to wrap a scarf around his neck to keep warm, even if the trek from the campus to the coffee house is not too far.

When he sees Levi for the first time standing outside of the front of the store, bobbing up and down slightly on the spot as he stares absently across the street, Eren can’t help but stop.

“Hey,” he greets. Ever so slowly, the barrier between them feeling like they’re merely server and customer has finally faded away, enough for Eren to ask, “Are you eating a chocolate chip cookie?” Levi has the thing held between his two fingers as he munches on it between breaths of condensation.

“Yeah,” Levi replies. “They had extras and I take what I can get, usually. Do you want half?”

“No, thank—” Before Eren finishes saying that, he has half a mind to accept it. It’s something that’s touched Levi’s lips, after all. But, well, it seems like it’s too late now to turn back. “No, thank you.”

Levi shrugs at him, though it might have been more of an attempt to keep the heat within his jacket. “Suit yourself.” And then he shovels the whole thing into his mouth before brushing the crumbs off.

“Are you out on break?”

“Yeah.”

“Isn’t it cold out?”

“I don’t mind it.”

Eren grimaces. It doesn’t look like Levi’s tolerating it very well, what with the thin fall jacket he’s got on and the exposed skin of his neck prickling from the frosted wind.

“Are you sure? Do you want to take my scarf or something?” Eren offers, gesturing to his red woolen scarf with his gloved hands.

“Nah.” Levi’s teeth chatters, his own hands now shoved into his jacket pockets. “Maybe I should have been clearer. I like the feeling of freezing my ass off.”

“What?”

He looks at Eren all bundled up, probably sees his baffled face, and then looks away before saying, “You should go inside. I’ll get you a coffee. On the house, alright?”

“You serious?” Eren says, but Levi doesn’t show any sign of joking. “Is that even allowed?”

“No, but you can just take the one I would’ve gotten. Staff are allowed one free drink every break, so just take it.”

“Oh… okay.”

Eren follows him through the door and is relieved when the warmth and the familiar slow music hit him.

Levi shivers a bit, undoing the buttons of his jacket. “You always come in around this time but then leave right after, and I’ve been wondering what the hell you’ve been up to lately. Seeing someone behind my back?”

He files around the counter to start up making Eren’s coffee.

“So, you’ve been waiting for me?” Eren says with a smile. “That’s sweet.”

“No, I like standing out there in the fucking cold.”

“But you just said you liked freezing your ass off.”

“I was being sarcastic. Shit, Eren, maybe my sense of humour froze while I was standing out there for forty-five minutes. Thanks a lot for that, by the way. Now, go sit down.”

“Alright, alright.”

Levi’s shoving a mug of steaming coffee into Eren’s hand by the time he’s situating himself on the couch with his coat off and scarf thrown to the side. “Thanks. So, you waited _forty-five_ minutes outside? It’s freezing.”

Levi glances at the clock on the wall before sitting down across. “Yeah, well. I guess I thought I’d be waiting ten but ended up waiting forty-five. You’re damn slow, you know that? I started eating the cookie I had for you just to pass the time.”

“That was for me, too?”

“Yeah, it was. What, is that so surprising?” Levi sits back in his seat, still wearing his jacket inside. Eren wonders if he still feels cold in here even though the heat is blasting and feels like a hot bubbling sauna. “I’m not allowed to do nice things for you, huh?”

“No! Well…? Am I not allowed to be surprised at you doing nice things for me?” Eren counters, still reeling from the heat and the nice gestures. “Unless you were just trying to make me feel guilty?”

Levi scoffs. “I’m a nice person, alright?” he says flatly to which Eren can’t help but let out a snort. “Now drink your coffee. It’s free because you’re special and you’re one of our most loyal customers. It’s mostly to tell you to keep coming back and buying our coffee just to get one free one every now and then. It’s not worth it at all but you get the gist.”

Eren laughs. “Oh, wow, that’s… thank you,” he ends up saying. “I actually really appreciate that sort of, uh, business model.”

He takes a sip from the coffee. One more surprising thing is that the drink is made just how he likes, too. The idea that Levi knows how he likes his coffee is enough to warm him up more than the temperature or the taste of the drink itself.

When Levi looks to him for approval, Eren hurriedly says, “It’s good, thanks.”

And Levi seems satisfied, like he was counting on getting it right, to make Eren happy. Even though Eren had all but given up on being able to say ‘ _The Usual’_ , somehow Levi had still picked up on his general coffee order. He’s more perceptive than Eren thought.

Or maybe it’s because it’s him? Through all of these nice gestures, even though Eren hasn’t been the most grateful of customers or the most subtle with his infatuation through text, maybe Levi is coming around after all? Maybe he even… likes Eren back. Even though Eren’s convinced himself that’s not possible, the thought of it still makes him burn all the way down to his fingertips, especially when Levi actually gives him a small smile, enough to send Eren’s chest aflame.

“I have to tell you something,” Eren brings up. “I’ve never really liked Armin in that way. Just in case you were still wondering. I know I told you that I’d try to get to know him, and he’s a great guy and all, but I just don’t think it’s going to work out.”

Levi looks at him questionably. “Yeah, I figured.”

Eren is relieved. “Okay. Alright, then. It’s good that’s settled.” No longer would he have to pretend or embarrass himself trying to make flirty eyes at Armin. Not that he’s been doing such things lately, but it’s good that Levi’s gotten over it.

“It’s because you like me, right?”

Suddenly, the coffee runs cold on his lips. 

What...?

What is this?

There’s no way that Levi just… Eren can’t be sure he even heard what he did until Levi repeats it with undeniable clarity.

“Armin told me that he had a hunch you might like me. Caught me a little off guard, I’m not going to lie… But if you do—I mean, if you don’t actually and we’re all wrong about this, well, I’m sorry for bringing it up at all. Just forget it.”

The words aren't getting through, the thoughts in Eren's head oddly blank until he's hit with the feeling of the stifling air, dry, caught in Eren’s throat. What the hell is all that supposed to mean, anyway? Levi's seriously asking this of him?

It’s starting to feel agonizing and hot, but for an entirely different reason from before. Like it's biting at him, provoking him, putting him on the spot. Eren has to put the mug of coffee down like it’s just been revealed to him that he’s been unknowingly drinking poison this whole time.

“Oh… okay… So—So, you knew?” he says, walking carefully around it, can't even help the dry, seething smile on his face because of how funny it all is. “You knew this whole time?”

 “Why? Is it true?” Levi asks. He glances up towards the clock on the wall once more, and Eren finds he’s so completely offended at this he almost gets up to walk out.

“It’s…”

The way Levi had said that and the expression he currently has on his face says he’s genuinely asking. He really has no idea, it’s only a question that’s crossed his mind, and is looking for, just, confirmation. Does he even care? Does he even understand the gravity of what’s going on right now? And Eren doesn’t have the capacity to lie to him, not about something like this.

“So… texting me this whole time? Waiting for me out there? The cookie and the coffee? Are those just some nice things Armin told you to do for me? To please me?”

“Eren, what are you…”

Whatever Levi's saying doesn't even sink in. Eren finds his thoughts are spinning before he can even get them under control. “And—and what? You feel nothing?” Eren almost shouts in accusation but doesn't, instead remaining at not much more than a sickened whisper. He breathes in, looking towards the floor, as he puts himself out there one last time. “You don’t... feel anything at _all_ in return for me?”

It’s excruciating to get that last part out, and Eren knows he’s being less than friendly right now, he's not being fair at all, but he doesn’t care. He already knows the answer by the look on Levi’s face—cast away, defensive, the complete opposite of what Eren knew would never be a reality anyway. The hope that he would be swept away.

He never wanted this. This is why he never wished for any of this to ever come up, not feelings, not love, not anything that would even slightly get his hopes up. He was perfectly happy just being _normal_ with Levi. He was fine just pretending, just living in his own world, just being safe.

And with the way Levi has been acting just now, it seems like he would have been perfectly fine acting normally, too, around Eren despite all of the stupid feelings that would be swirling unrequited between them.

But for some reason, Eren can’t feel like he can live happily now with Levi knowing. That Levi now has the knowledge and the awareness and the capacity to like him back, and he deliberately chooses not to. It was inevitable, but the idea that Eren now has to face it so bluntly—it's what he's so desperately wanted to avoid.

“Would I have done all that if I didn’t at least like you a little bit?” Levi tries to say hastily.

It's a last painful stab through Eren's chest.

He’s harshly reminded of the way he was willing to court Armin with the same flirtation and undoubtedly the same faux interest in him if the opportunity were to ever arise. He was so perfectly capable and _eager_ to dupe Armin as a means to an end, and his own hypocrisy with feeling victimized of the very same thing is enough to make Eren sick to his stomach.

“I’ve got to go,” Eren says, willing his voice not to break but it does anyway.

He gathers all of his stuff in one arm and takes his still-full cup to the counter despite Levi’s protests that Eren is not willing to hear.

When he approaches, Armin is there waiting, about to say, “Hey, did Levi tell you—” before he stops as he sees what Eren can only imagine his face looks like right now.

Eren drops the cup so forcefully onto the counter that it spills, and the guilt even from knowing that Armin will have to clean it up later pushes him over the edge. “Do you—Do you guys think this is some sort of game? Am I some game to you?”

The fact that he’s saying all this to Armin only fuels his inability not to wait for an answer. But when he turns away to head for the door he catches a glimpse of Levi’s concerned face as he practically storms out, just wanting with every fibre of his being to get out of there. Still, even now, he wants to interpret Levi's face as heartbroken despite everything screaming at him otherwise.

Eren hadn’t bothered to put on his coat and scarf, and the blistering cold only starts to sink in when it begins stinging his eyes. He thinks regrettably that maybe this really will be the last time he’s ever at the coffee shop.


	3. Chapter 3

The saddest thing is that time starts to slow down remarkably. Either that or Eren begins counting each fractal moment of space until time just seems to stop altogether.

Levi has his number, which is regrettable because maybe all of this could have been avoided if only Eren had resisted the temptation to take that number written on the coffee cup and instead just thrown it in the trash along with the rest of himself. He was so close to just avoiding everything.

Even now, Eren finds himself waiting for a message that he knows will never come, some sort of apology that Eren knows he doesn’t deserve. Over and over he wonders why _he_ can’t be the one to apologize first? Isn’t that how these things usually go? Flipping tables and being a public disturbance denotes at the very least a solemn five-letter text message and the unspoken promise never to see each other again because _hey I can’t even bring myself to tell you I fucked up._

Eren bangs his head back against the bark of the tree he’s sitting against because the feeling has numbed a bit. He wants to sit on the lumpy ground for hours, have the moist of the soil seep into his ass, and to try his hardest not to throw up because there’s kids playing on the swings just over there and they probably wouldn’t want to see something like that.

But the sun is setting, meaning they’ll probably have to get home. Maybe Eren’ll wait until then to retch into the grass.

He still feels the gnawing humiliation, the incessant guilt, and the feelings haven’t passed yet. It’s still deep-set within his chest, a torturous ache that no matter how many times Eren tells himself it’s going to be okay, that it’s not the end of the world, that he’ll never see or hear from Levi ever again anyway, it won’t disappear. It just won’t shut up. He’s only going to make things worse if he were to try to reconcile with Levi, but sitting here feels about on the same level.

He checks his phone. Turns it off.

He checks it again twenty minutes later, turns it off again.

And Eren laughs himself to death because he wishes he wasn’t so fucking petty. He wishes he could turn back time, relive the month of September, so he wouldn’t have to live like this.

-

“A little dramatic, don’t you think?”

Eren opens and closes his mouth a couple times. “I’m dramatic? Fine. I’m dramatic. I don’t care,” he snaps, furiously swiping a finger down the touchpad of his computer. He’s scrolling so fast he can barely read the words but it feels good to let out some lingering frustration.

“ _Tokyo?_ What’re you planning to do in Tokyo?” Hange genuinely asks him, pulling back from squinting at Eren’s laptop when he clicks away and then scrolls past the large _Study Abroad_ banner from the top of the screen. “I never even knew you wanted to go there.”

“I do,” Eren insists, then quiets his voice down just a bit when he realizes there are students studying around them. This is a library after all. “I’ve always wanted to. It’s been on my bucket list since, like, forever, I guess. Fine, maybe I won’t move there but it’s so far away I’ll probably have to spend at least a month there. Maybe more. Maybe a year. Maybe ten. Or more.”

Hange’s silent, and Eren hopes there aren’t more questions on the tip of their tongue. He considers just playing it off easy, but it’s not everyday someone like him who’s never even been outside of the country would start casually talking about taking a trip overseas like he’s planning a quick vacation over Spring Break.

“Are you serious? I can’t tell if you’re being serious,” Hange prods, leaning back. “I mean, Tokyo’s great and all, but if we had to go anywhere I pictured us going to Switzerland to visit the Large Hadron Collider.”

“What? I have no idea what that is.”

“Very funny.”

“No, I’m serious. I have no idea what that is.”

Hange takes a sip from what Eren can only guess is some sort of latte, even though Hange always complains about how burnt the lattes taste. He waits in anticipation for some sort of science-y explanation, hoping it’ll at least take his mind off things that he’d rather not think about. But he’s more than a little disappointed when all Hange does is put down the latte to say, “It’s not important. Seriously, are you okay? You can tell me. I won’t make fun of you if you really wanted to go to Tokyo. It’s a great place. Not Hadron-Collider-Great, but you know.”

Eren feels fine. He’s only wondering what November is like in Tokyo. It must be just as bland and bleak and miserable as it is here where it hasn’t quite dropped below freezing temperatures yet, but the city has been looking dreadfully soggy from the rain and the water stains it leaves behind every time the clouds drop a shower on them. Eren wonders idly what rainy days look like from inside the coffee shop.

“I dunno, I really just want to get out of here,” Eren mumbles, sliding further into his chair that gives him a splinter every time he moves. “I just want to get up and go somewhere and never come back. Or come back in ten years or something when I’m a completely different person. I’d probably be much cooler. I’d probably know Japanese by then.”

“ _Eren_.”

“What?”

Hange rounds on him then. “This isn’t about the coffee guy, is it?”

Eren stiffens, grits into his teeth. “You couldn’t _possibly_ know that.”

“I took a wild guess. You’re quite different when you’re around him, you know that,” Hange remarks, looking him up and down slouched across the chair. “And when you’re not around him.”

“You’ve never even _met_ him.”

He never did take Hange there even though he promised he would at some point—to share all the moments when he was standing in front of the counter, in front of Levi, giving his order of a plain coffee or something or other. Eren never could pay attention to what it was he was ordering because he was always paying attention to Levi, whenever Levi would seem to remember him or find him vaguely extra ordinary. After they started texting regularly, he started having this glint in his eye. He started saying ‘ _Hey Eren_ ’.

And maybe Eren had wanted to keep all of those moments to himself, since the very beginning.

“I know, but when you were texting it’s like he’s all you could talk about,” Hange tells him knowingly.

Eren wants to ask if that’s in any way true, of if Hange’s just seducing him with what he wants to hear. But before anything tries to come up his throat, he pushes it back down with a swallow. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Nothing happened,” Eren brushes off.

“So, he’s an asshole that pissed you off?” Hange offers.

“He’s not an ass,” Eren finds himself snapping again.

“Yeah, I kinda liked him,” Hange mentions with a rueful smile. “Thought you guys could be good together? I thought we could all go see the Hadron Collider together one day?”

“I…” Eren stops, feels the murky fog of his brain swimming around and his heart running wildly. It’s like he’s punched senselessly in the chest when the thought finally settles enough to translate to his mouth. “I liked him, too,” he admits for the first time out loud, and it feels so so strange.

It’s strange because it feels so much like heartbreak and so much like he was rejected when nothing was ever really said, and Eren’s never even been through heartbreak or rejection before.

This whole time all he’s ever wanted to do was maybe entertain the thought of holding hands together with Levi, but that’s never quite come to fruition. He’s always wanted to stay up late just talking to each other, maybe over the phone, and never quite wanting to go to sleep. But even now he still wants to know about what makes Levi tick, what he’s done in his life to get up to this point, what his hobbies are besides making coffee and coming up with puns that don’t make any sense.

So, why does it have to feel like all of that could have been entirely within the realm of possibility, even though every single thing he’s built up about Levi is based only on what he’s seen of him from afar? From across the counter, across the store, across 160-character limited text messages. It just isn’t enough to form anything beyond some sort of first impression, and Eren’s not sure if he wants to devalue the whole of Levi to just that—an impression.

Because now that he thinks about it, he doesn’t remember at all what the coffee he gets everyday there even tastes like.

He really wants to go back, back to the shop and back in time, but he’s afraid that he’s been completely deluding himself into thinking what he’s wanted himself to think. He’s afraid of being pushed and forced to realize that everything he’s ever known about Levi has been one big lie because of this blinding infatuation, and that the story he’s spun to himself about not expecting anything might be just that. A godawful story. He doesn’t want to come to terms with the fact that while he might certainly have disappointed Levi, Levi might also disappoint him.

But it’s an infatuation that’s made him so happy these past few weeks, and that has to count for something. Maybe that’s all it should count for.

“Oh, hey, come here…” Hange says softly, suddenly pulling him into a hug, and all Eren can do is hug back. When he finds himself having to sniff loudly, he realizes the tears falling down his face are wet and seeping into the cashmere of Hange’s nice sweater. “Sorry, I won’t ask about it anymore,” Hange says sincerely, squeezing him tighter. “I didn’t know it was like this with him.”

“No, it’s fine. I’m sorry, too. I—” Eren sniffs again, trying to catch the tears and the snot into his hand. “I just want to go to Tokyo,” he murmurs.

Hange laughs and then quiets down again. “Okay, yeah.”

“Actually, Hange? Can you do me a favour and, when you have time, go over to that coffee shop on the corner of Rosedale and King? If you see a guy… his nametag says ‘Levi’ and he has black hair… can you just make sure he’s doing alright? I don’t even know what I’m expecting… he’s probably fine.”

Hange leans back, probably sees Eren’s watery eyes even though he’s tried to wipe them away, before Eren feels his back being pet soothingly. “Sure. No problem, Eren.”

“Thanks.”

-

The next time he’s at the student registrar he asks about studying abroad, what it would take, how the housing is, what the food is like.

“Four weeks during the summer? Is there anything sooner than that?”

There isn’t anything sooner than that because the school year is already partway over, and if Eren had wanted to go during the spring then he should have had the sense to ask about it earlier. These things take planning, apparently.

“What about the costs?”

He politely walks away as soon as he hears the answer to that.

 _> > I don’t think he’s here today. Might try to catch him on another day,_ Hange sends him.

_> It’s fine don’t go to too much trouble_

-

Schoolwork is distracting in ways Eren really wishes it wasn’t. In fact, this whole time he might have been suffering from the complete opposite—being so distracted from anything school-related that now all of the tests and work and assignments he has hanging over his head are doing well to sucker punch him repeatedly in the gut.

Heading home is a nightmare after class in the late afternoons. He’s mindlessly turning his phone over in the front pockets of his sweater when it suddenly vibrates in his hands, and he can’t help being eager in checking it—wanting to know if there’s any news of Levi doing alright on the off chance that Hange happened to see him walking in for his shift or something. Maybe he’s alright, after all? Maybe he’s even happy?

>> _Get back here_

Eren is a little confused at the words he’s just received until he realizes belatedly that upon looking at the name above the message it was not actually Hange who had texted him but in fact someone whose number that to this day Eren hadn’t the heart to erase from his phone. And now he regrets it a little bit.

_> > Eren turn around and get back here or else_

Eren peaks around behind him but doesn’t slow in his walk. There he spots, along with the other students coming out of class that Eren just had, Levi is somehow there, walking briskly among them with an expression that reads he’s coming for Eren’s head and he’s got nothing to lose.

Eren doesn’t slow down and basically pretends he doesn’t see him.

 _> Or else what?_ he texts back daringly but with shaking fingers, bumping elbows into the other students around him.

Barely even putting his phone down, a few seconds later he gets,

_> > OR ELSE_

Eren practically flies out the door of the building now, looking around feverishly for somewhere to hide. After crossing the street and almost getting hit by a car, he texts back, head spinning,

_> Or else what?_

He has no idea what the hell is happening, why or how Levi is even here, and the last thought that comes crashing through Eren’s brain is wondering with betrayal if Hange had set him up this whole time. There’s no way that Levi would arbitrarily be here, at this place, at this moment in time, unless someone had told him in advance to sit and wait and ambush Eren when he’d least expected it.

Well, it worked. Consider Eren successfully ambushed.

He blends easily into a crowd just coming out of their 4 o’clock class and pouring onto the street, and Eren maneuvers his way through it until he comes out on the other side to hide behind a sidewalk tree. Its foliage hasn’t entirely died out yet with the ensuing colder temperatures so it provides some nice shelter.

Eren takes out his phone of which hasn’t received a message back yet from Levi pertaining to _what else_ would happen. So he begins typing out his own, something along the lines of: _I’m sorry things didn’t work out. I know I haven’t exactly been the best at explaining anything but I think some time apart is needed. It’s not you, it’s_

A hand on his shoulder causes him to let out a small scream.

“Really now?” Levi says accusingly from where he stands in front of him. Eren has nowhere to go but to back up into the small skinny bark of the tree.

“How did you find me?” he squeaks, backspacing his entire text message.

“You suck at hiding. And I told you, I’m not blind.”

“Not that—err, I know you’re not blind. I mean, how did you know I would be here?”

Levi takes his hand off Eren’s shoulder, seeming confident that he won’t try to run away again. “Your friend told me.”

“Agh, I knew it.”

Neither of them speak for a bit, and as Eren tries his best to shimmy his way out from the tree he finds Levi’s gaze holds him securely in place. It’s ridiculous.

“You look well,” Eren tells him sheepishly, not being able to look at him fully. Levi looks really well. Really good, actually. If Eren’s heart won’t stop beating because of his failed attempts to run away, then it would be because the image of Levi’s glasses falling almost halfway down his face from his earlier running is too good for Eren to keep averting his gaze to the side.

 “Don’t give me that shit,” Levi snarls, but it’s a threat that lacks anything heavy. Still, it only makes Eren feel worse and worse.

“What?” he says back, feigning ignorance.

Levi pushes his glasses up with the edge of his knuckle, like he was going to wipe at his eye but his glasses got in the way. “What—? You just leave like that and don’t say anything? You don’t… text or call or stop by ever again?”

“ _You_ never called. Or texted,” Eren retorts. He doesn’t even know why he’s saying that. He can see Levi gripping his hands together at his sides. It’s cruel of Eren but he feels somehow satisfied. He wants to see Levi frustrated like this, because of him.

“That’s because,” Levi says, trying to find the right words, “I didn’t want it to seem like, like one of those shitty breakup-over-text things. Like some stupid, unfeeling thing.”

He doesn’t want to let his emotions overtake him again but Eren’s heart just about tanks at that. It’s not Levi’s fault, he knows it’s not, but it still pangs at him. “No, I get it,” Eren replies forcefully. “I understand. I thought the same. And this didn’t even warrant a breakup text at all since it’s not like we were going out or anything. It’s fine.”

“It’s clearly _not_ fine, Eren!” Levi practically shouts back, the sheer emotion of his voice knocking Eren backwards into the tree. It’s surprising and nerve-wracking to see Levi like this. “I thought it was going to be fine, but it wasn’t. It’s not. I didn’t want to break up our friendship or anything. I _don’t_ want to…”

Eren doesn’t know what to do. He watches as Levi seems to go through a hundred different emotions at once, everything from creased eyebrows and closed eyes to an unmistakable intake of air, as if to tell himself to shut up, before he lets the breath out just as raggedly.

“I’ve been really shitty to you,” Levi starts off.

“Oh, you have?” Eren replies, unconvinced, and Levi’s face screws up like he’s already tasting poison at what he’s about to say.

“I did… treat you as a game. I didn’t pay any attention to what you felt or what you were thinking at all—because I guess I thought I was just a guy and you were just a guy that came in for coffee sometimes and I just liked seeing you flail around with what seemed like a silly crush on me of all people, and that’s all it was. That’s all it would be. And I knew you would always stay, you always came back. So, I might have taken advantage of you, your feelings, and after a while Armin said if I kept acting this way that I would end up hurting you, and that’s—it’s not… I only know I’ve been doing more damage by pretending your feelings don’t exist so I’m here to fix things, even if things don’t get fully fixed. I’m sorry.”

Students continue to rush by them on the sidewalk, some looking at them curiously, probably wondering if they’re having an intimate conversation in the middle of public, which they kind of are, and Eren feels pinned up against the tree with Levi seeming to get even closer and closer with every word.

“But I like you,” Levi quickly says. “It’s taken a while to really… come to terms with it. I thought I’d attached to you because you were always there and you seemed to like me for such a long time without wanting anything or expecting anything in return, and I just felt comfortable. I’m not really good at this… but do you at least see where I’m going?”

Eren nods slowly, robotically, and Levi looks relieved like he’s finally getting something through. But Eren grips at the sleeve of his jacket.

“You wanted to see me flail, huh?” he says slowly, smiling pathetically. “Since before we even started talking, this whole time since the fucking beginning you knew that I liked you?”

“I didn’t _know_ , I just had a hunch—”

“Since the beginning of September, is that it? Since I first walked in the door, you just _knew?_ You ignored me for weeks even though you knew. You started talking to me and you _still_ knew. You led me on, you let me believe…”

Levi looks regretful. “Yeah.”

Eren doesn’t have time for this. He feels all over the place. “Unbelievable. Un _fucking_ believable.”

Levi takes his outbursts without interruption, just stands there taking them, like he came here solely so he could hear Eren yell at him. Maybe he’s here just to clear his conscience because Armin is the only one with a brain at that coffee shop since Levi obviously couldn’t give less of a shit about playing with people’s feelings for so long. Eren could only wish that things had gone on longer so Levi would feel like even more of a jackass for doing this to him.

“I really missed you, you know.”

Levi looks up, startled. “What?”

He’s weak.

The truth is—Eren can’t move himself from beneath the skinny sidewalk tree. After all this, for the same reasons why Eren never could stay away from the coffee shop even after something horrible and unbearable happened, he always felt the inextricable pull back like he was attracted to the pain and feeling of being completely and utterly used by the woes of unconditional love.

Because maybe Eren had always known just a tiny bit, maybe internally, maybe subconsciously, that Levi was bullshitting him this whole time, and he hadn’t minded at all. Maybe Eren had always been entirely fine with it, and that’s what’s kept him believing in the godawful story of Levi that he’d been spinning to himself since the beginning.

“Tell me, Levi,” Eren says gradually. “Do you hate me? Be honest, because this won’t work out if you’re not honest to me.”

Levi screws up his eyebrows. “I just said I liked you,” he deadpans.

“That doesn’t mean shit,” Eren retorts. “Because right now I’m a hundred percent sure that I like you, but I’m also just as sure that I hate you. I don’t know, I guess I must like suffering, huh? So, really, just tell me if you hate me so I can move on with my life. Because I don’t know if I can take this anymore.”

Eren laughs a bit while Levi’s silent again. He doesn’t know why he has this urge, this atrocious need to sink himself to the bottom and let others think the very worst of him. He likes pushing others away and watching the destruction it causes. It’s a bad habit.

 “I don’t believe any of the things you’re saying,” Levi replies, grabbing Eren’s arm to get him to look at him. “I don’t believe single a word, so you can quit it with that. I don’t hate you. Next question.”

If Levi had wanted to get out, if he had wanted to leave and never come back, he should have done it. But he continues to play this game with Eren like he’s determined not to lose again.

Well, Eren thinks, he wouldn’t mind. If it’s Levi.

Eren takes a deep breath, if only to hold back the heaviness of his chest and the pressure behind his eyelids. “Why do you like me?” he asks, and then repeats it again, “ _Why_ do you like me?”

Levi responds nearly instantaneously the second time, “Because you’re interesting.”

That doesn’t impress Eren in the slightest. “Why else?”

“Because you’re beautiful.”

Eren is almost, almost speechless at that. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” If there’s one thing he isn’t, it’s beautiful.

“I’m really not kidding,” Levi says, unamused.

“Yeah? How so?”

“Every time I look at you, I just…”

Levi actually brings his glasses down, looks at Eren with just his eyes, leans in real close just to do it, and Eren has no idea if Levi can even see without his glasses. But if he’s doing this on purpose just to make Eren heat up, to feel absolutely exposed, then it is absolutely working.

“…can’t look away.”

That was entirely unfair, Eren wants to yell, but he doesn’t. “Fine… Why else?”

There’s a brief pause.

“Because I want to go on a real coffee date with you,” Levi says. “But not where I work,” he adds.

“Why? Where would you want to go?” Eren challenges but is still a little curious for the answer.

“Dunno. Anywhere, if it’s with you. I’m probably going to quit when I get back to the shop anyway.”

“What!”

“I hated that place. I was going to quit three months ago,” Levi informs him like it was the most obvious thing. “But I didn’t.” He looks at Eren like he’s daring him to ask why. Eren frowns but his heart still flutters anyway.

Does Levi still even work there? Did he quit already? Does he still have shifts? Was he only hanging around there, waiting for Eren to show up again?

“What else?” Eren mutters, going to cross his arms but ends up wrapping thems around himself instead.

“And I would be okay with doing other stuff with you…” Levi says, hesitates, and Eren raises his eyebrows in expectation. “Like romantic stuff… like couple stuff… if you wanted to. I mean, if you’re not opposed.”

“Like Ferris wheels?” Eren says oddly.

Levi looks simultaneously like he wants to strangle Eren and bury himself into the concrete of the sidewalk. “No… I mean, yeah sure if you want. But I meant kissing—and _touching,_ ” he ends up hissing so loudly that students around them turn their heads.

“Oh.”

_Oh._

What is he _thinking_.

“Stop lying!” Eren pleads with him under his breath.

“I’m not lying,” Levi argues back, teeth baring. “You think of all things, I would lie about this?”

“Yes, I do!”

It feels like everything is moving in a flurry, except Eren doesn’t have the excuse of reacting with disbelieving anger anymore. He has no choice but to take in everything Levi says about him, and worst of all he has to make the effort to take it to heart, to believe all of these things about himself and what Levi thinks of him to be true. It’s hard, it’s really hard. His first instinct is and has always been to run away. But Levi is staring at him like it doesn’t matter how long it takes—he’ll wait until Eren doesn’t have any more excuses to pull.

“Fine, you win,” Eren finally huffs. “You win, alright.” But the response he gets is Levi giving him a scandalized look.

“Wait, are you crying?”

It’s not that Eren doesn’t trust him anymore, but to realize that when he puts a hand to his face he finds a fat tear rolling its way down the curve of his cheek, it’s offsetting. “Shit… yeah.” He blinks, sniffing. “Ah, this means nothing, okay! I cry a lot, I’m a crier, that’s all. Crap…”

Levi, with his thin plaid shirt he’s using as a jacket in the middle of November still hanging dishevelled off the side of his shoulder, he brings up a sleeve to wipe away at Eren’s cheek.

“We’re in public, Eren.”

“Shut up! I know.” Eren heaves, putting his hand on top of Levi’s on his cheek. It’s so warm. So comforting. It’s like all of the worries, all the tears, all of the anguish that Eren’s been putting himself through just disappears because Levi is here, willing to be here like this for him. “Sorry for everything… I know I’ve been so insufferable this whole time. You could have so much better than me, you know.”

Levi shrugs a bit. “Maybe. But I don’t want better.”

“So, you’re saying you _could_ have better than me?”

“Yes, but I don’t want it.”

Maybe it’s Eren’s statue-like silence that makes Levi frown, or it could be that he actually knows his words could be misconstrued this time, but it's likely something that flickers across Eren’s expression that makes Levi invariably relax. In any case, he still looks so serious, with his glasses perched halfway down his face, that all Eren can do is laugh. Levi really is bad at this, after all. “Somehow that actually makes me feel better,” Eren mentions, squeezing Levi's hand as Levi steps towards him.

But he keeps his glasses there, maybe because he wants to continue looking at Eren like he can’t look away. He could be blind, with or without the glasses, and Eren would have no idea. But he really can’t find it in himself to care anymore. He’ll just have to take Levi’s word.

It’s delirious and dizzying, in the middle of the sidewalk, in the middle of a school campus where the students passing by have learned to give them a good amount of space, but it’s so undeniably satisfying to know after all this time that Levi doesn’t taste at all like coffee—rather uncannily like tea—and Eren finds he likes the taste.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stay tuned for "kissing--and _touching_ " !!


End file.
